Tweets of the Week,Vol. 11

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Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.


Bird Text: DUI Jesus

If you are a Philadelphia comedy performer that produces a podcast, web series, sketch video, humor column, or any other online content let us know by emailing us at contact@witout.net so we can share it!


Top 5 of 2012: Mike Rainey's Top Five Offstage Moments

As the year winds down, WitOut collects lists from comedy performers and fans of their favorite moments, comedians, groups, shows, etc. from the last year in Philly comedy. Top 5 of 2012 lists will run throughout December--if you'd like to write one, pitch us your list at contact@witout.net!

1. Tim Butterly shattering his own windshield with a mini-football using his non-throwing arm. An absolute act of God. Tim, Carl Boccuti, Jim Grammond, Darryl Charles and myself were on the set of a Bird Text sketch that was being filmed. We were passing time by throwing a mini-football around outside. During which time, Tim said something to the effect of "Let's see what would happen if I threw this with my left hand" and he proceeded to slowly lob this stupid, half-deflated ball into the air towards Carl, yet directly into his own windshield, shattering it. Quite possible the funniest thing I have ever seen.

2. Joe Mayo simulating sex no less than 13 times during one period of hockey at the Wells Fargo Center. I had the pleasure of sitting roughly ten rows behind Joe at one of the Flyers playoff games against the Penguins. At random segments of the game, Joe would hop up, yell something about the on-ice action, then simulate various sex acts to accentuate his points. Worth the price of admission.

3. James Hesky coming over to my house to play Apples to Apples with my kids hours before he won Philly's Phunniest. My kids love Hesky for various reasons and they had been bugging me to ask him to come over for awhile. Even though James had to prepare for the finals of the Philly's Phunniest Competition at Helium this particular day, he made time to come to my home, treat my family to pizza and play Apples To Apples with my kids before heading home to go over his set. A class act who truly deserved the spoils of victory.

4. The Legendary Wid performing in front of my girls for their first comedy show. I was scheduled to perform on the final Chip Chantry's One Man Show and I saw it as a great opportunity to have my girls watch me perform. They were 8 and 5 years old and hadn't seen me perform comedy yet. They got their money's worth.They watched me feed Chip ice cream, heard Andy Nolan's machete rape bit, interacted with Fastball Pitcher Bob Gutierrez and they saw The Wid at his finest. They enjoyed the whole show, but talked about Wid for some time. Every performer did a great job, but Wid gave a performance for the ages.

5. Any and all of the awkward hugs that Mary Radzinski and Lisa Yost endure.

Mike Rainey is a stand-up comic from Philadelphia. He is also a cat lover, a great friend and opinionated asshole. Follow him on twitter @mikerainey82.


Tweets of the Week, Vol. 10

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.


The Monthly Hour - The Great Debate Promo Video

Even though The Monthly Hour with James Hesky (as well as all shows, rehearsals, classes and workshops at PHIT) has been cancelled for tonight we still wanted to bring you this promo video made for the monthly variety show. Watch as Tim from Port Richmond and Jim from Fishtown prepare for the second round of their debate for a coveted seat in the State House of Representatives.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbZlXfFw2UI




Bock’s Scores by Gerry Bock: Reasonable Discourse with Jerks

Well it’s shaping up to be another Philadelphia Summer sports fans! And we all know what that means... RUN FOR COVER! The Phillies have a lot of baseball left in the season to make up for lost time and lost base runners, the Eagles are looking more and more like the grid-iron roustabouts of yester-year, and rumor has it, the Philadelphia Major League Soccer Team is doing miserably! But don’t take my word for it. Don't be so glum chum, let’s not throw out the baby with the bath water! We’ve got plenty to be proud of – the 76ers had a Dream of a Season… but that alarm clock always gets ya!

Let’s head to the tapes and check out the highlights from Jim Grammond’s Reasonable Discourse with Jerks (and I use that term loosely).

Here is each mention of professional sports from the entire show, along with who said it:

Jim Grammond – Terrell Owens*, Arena Football, Baseball, Hunter Pence

Mike Rainey – Ref, Ball, Houston Ramblers, Starting Line-Up Figurines

Steve Miller-Miller – Interception, Terrell Owens*, Tim Cheatwood, Offensive Lineman, Matt Bahr**, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Browns, Webster Slaughter, Donovan McNabb*

Tim Butterly – Soccer, Mets*, Cowboys*, Mets*, AFL

Pat Barker – Kobayashi***, Jim Thome, Baseball Jerseys, Mets, Hockey Stick, World Wrestling Federation, Ultimate Warrior, “Wild Thing” Rick Vaughn****, “Fastball Pitcher” Bob Guiterrez*****

What a performance! If you ask me, this line up is batting 1.000! See you at the bookie’s!

*BUM!
** Philadelphia’s Own!
*** Considered a sport, not by me, but I don't make the rules. Counts!
**** Almost didn’t make it, but still counts!
*****Definitely counts!!

Gerry Bock is a freelance sports writer and former Publisher/Reporter-in-Chief for the Port Richmond Gazetteer, which he published independently for 37 years before gladly fell prey to the siren call of retirement last May.


JUST THE MINUTES with Joe Moore (March Madness Comedy Competition Final Round)

The following is a report on last night's March Madness Comedy Competition Finale, the Rumble in Manayunk. The undertaking of "March Madness" has been as great as it is large. Center City Comedy took on an arduous task, and this show went on witout a hitch. For the last month we have been asking the great question: what happens when you pit 72 comedians against each over the course of a month in a competition to see who can win the audience over?

The great answer: this...

7:02 - 9:18 -- Emily and I arrive at Mad River. We are two hours early. We go to dinner, get coffee, buy some CDs, listen to them in my car, and then go to the show.
9:19 -- In patriotic fashion, the crowd at Mad River is treated to a rendition of the National Anthem, beautifully delivered by Erin Hess.
9:22 -- Host Tom Cassidy takes the stage.
9:24 -- Tom introduces the commentators, Shifty-Man Foley and Waddles Washington.
9:31 -- Tom removes his sweatshirt revealing zebra striped ref shirt and introduces the first contestant, Brendan Kennedy.
9:35 -- A man standing near me makes an awkward squatting gesture. I catch it but don’t know what happened, like a nervous twitch.
9:36 -- Brendan compliments Tom Arnold.
9:39 -- The man squats awkwardly again, and I realize he is trying to adjust his underwear with out using hands.
9:40 -- Jamil B is introduced.
9:41 -- Third squat from this stranger. Guys, just go to the bath room and use your hands. Whatever that is, it’s weirder than just tugging at your crotch.
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