Tweets of the Week, Vol. 13

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Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.


Top 5 of 2012: Mike Rainey's Top Five Offstage Moments

As the year winds down, WitOut collects lists from comedy performers and fans of their favorite moments, comedians, groups, shows, etc. from the last year in Philly comedy. Top 5 of 2012 lists will run throughout December--if you'd like to write one, pitch us your list at contact@witout.net!

1. Tim Butterly shattering his own windshield with a mini-football using his non-throwing arm. An absolute act of God. Tim, Carl Boccuti, Jim Grammond, Darryl Charles and myself were on the set of a Bird Text sketch that was being filmed. We were passing time by throwing a mini-football around outside. During which time, Tim said something to the effect of "Let's see what would happen if I threw this with my left hand" and he proceeded to slowly lob this stupid, half-deflated ball into the air towards Carl, yet directly into his own windshield, shattering it. Quite possible the funniest thing I have ever seen.

2. Joe Mayo simulating sex no less than 13 times during one period of hockey at the Wells Fargo Center. I had the pleasure of sitting roughly ten rows behind Joe at one of the Flyers playoff games against the Penguins. At random segments of the game, Joe would hop up, yell something about the on-ice action, then simulate various sex acts to accentuate his points. Worth the price of admission.

3. James Hesky coming over to my house to play Apples to Apples with my kids hours before he won Philly's Phunniest. My kids love Hesky for various reasons and they had been bugging me to ask him to come over for awhile. Even though James had to prepare for the finals of the Philly's Phunniest Competition at Helium this particular day, he made time to come to my home, treat my family to pizza and play Apples To Apples with my kids before heading home to go over his set. A class act who truly deserved the spoils of victory.

4. The Legendary Wid performing in front of my girls for their first comedy show. I was scheduled to perform on the final Chip Chantry's One Man Show and I saw it as a great opportunity to have my girls watch me perform. They were 8 and 5 years old and hadn't seen me perform comedy yet. They got their money's worth.They watched me feed Chip ice cream, heard Andy Nolan's machete rape bit, interacted with Fastball Pitcher Bob Gutierrez and they saw The Wid at his finest. They enjoyed the whole show, but talked about Wid for some time. Every performer did a great job, but Wid gave a performance for the ages.

5. Any and all of the awkward hugs that Mary Radzinski and Lisa Yost endure.

Mike Rainey is a stand-up comic from Philadelphia. He is also a cat lover, a great friend and opinionated asshole. Follow him on twitter @mikerainey82.


Tweets of the Week, Vol. 10

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.


Tweets of the Week, Vol. 5

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.


Bock’s Scores by Gerry Bock: Reasonable Discourse with Jerks

Well it’s shaping up to be another Philadelphia Summer sports fans! And we all know what that means... RUN FOR COVER! The Phillies have a lot of baseball left in the season to make up for lost time and lost base runners, the Eagles are looking more and more like the grid-iron roustabouts of yester-year, and rumor has it, the Philadelphia Major League Soccer Team is doing miserably! But don’t take my word for it. Don't be so glum chum, let’s not throw out the baby with the bath water! We’ve got plenty to be proud of – the 76ers had a Dream of a Season… but that alarm clock always gets ya!

Let’s head to the tapes and check out the highlights from Jim Grammond’s Reasonable Discourse with Jerks (and I use that term loosely).

Here is each mention of professional sports from the entire show, along with who said it:

Jim Grammond – Terrell Owens*, Arena Football, Baseball, Hunter Pence

Mike Rainey – Ref, Ball, Houston Ramblers, Starting Line-Up Figurines

Steve Miller-Miller – Interception, Terrell Owens*, Tim Cheatwood, Offensive Lineman, Matt Bahr**, Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Browns, Webster Slaughter, Donovan McNabb*

Tim Butterly – Soccer, Mets*, Cowboys*, Mets*, AFL

Pat Barker – Kobayashi***, Jim Thome, Baseball Jerseys, Mets, Hockey Stick, World Wrestling Federation, Ultimate Warrior, “Wild Thing” Rick Vaughn****, “Fastball Pitcher” Bob Guiterrez*****

What a performance! If you ask me, this line up is batting 1.000! See you at the bookie’s!

*BUM!
** Philadelphia’s Own!
*** Considered a sport, not by me, but I don't make the rules. Counts!
**** Almost didn’t make it, but still counts!
*****Definitely counts!!

Gerry Bock is a freelance sports writer and former Publisher/Reporter-in-Chief for the Port Richmond Gazetteer, which he published independently for 37 years before gladly fell prey to the siren call of retirement last May.


Tomorrow Night: The Ministry of Secret Jokes

Doogie Horner's monthly show returns tomorrow night for another of what was named Best Funny Night Out by Philadelphia Magazine. You can check out information at The Ministry's Website, or on the Facebook Event for tomorrow night's show, but we've decided to just post it here for your convenience.
STANDUP COMEDY: Juliet Hope Wayne, Josh Rabinowitz, Mike Rainey, and Animosity Pierre (although Animosity will be sketch, not stand-up. Or maybe they're doing an inspirational speech? Unsure.)

THE RUBY HATS OF DEATH: Chip Chantry, Pat Barker, and Daryll Charles dip their hands into the blood red hats and see what jokes they must tell. Can they survive the ordeal?!

ALSO: A man wearing a red carnation will tell you a secret joke if you tell him the correct password.

OMNIANA BATTLE: Reigning champion Brendan Kennedy battles Gregg Gethard, in a very special appearance as himself instead of a weird character, for once.

The show begins at 8:00PM at is held upstair's at Fergie's Pub, 1214 Sansom St. Philadelphia.

First and Last Words with Joe Moore (Philly's Phunniest Person Finals)

A packed crowd at Helium witnessed the cream-of-the-cream of Philadelphia comedy last night during the finals of the Philly's Phunniest Competition.  Beginning almost 2 and a half months ago with 165 comedians, the field had been whittled down to 10 Finalists, who took the stage in order to see who would walk away with the title.  The was a true spectacle - each comedian was worthy of raucous laughter, wild applause, and probably a $1,000 prize, but there can only be one winner.  Surely those who missed out on this will be kicking themselves for a long time... for those unfortunate souls, here's a taste of what you missed:

Below are the first and last words spoken on stage by each of 2011's Philly's Funniest Finalists:

(Comedian - First Word // Last Word)

Host Dave Smith - Thanks // Night

Pat Barker - Thank // Thanks

John McKeever - Hey // You

Chip Chantry - So // Everybody

Gary Vider - Thanks // Evening

Andy Nolan - Alright // Much

Mike Rainey - Alright // Rainey

Tommy Pope - Hey // Thanks

Gordon Baker-Bone - Yeah // Night

Pat House - Thank // Night

Darryl Charles - Yay // Everybody

Headliner Big Jay Oakerson - Thank // Around

Congratulations to all ten finalists, but a little extra congratulations to Tommy Pope who deservedly was named winner of 2011's Philly's Funniest.  And to everyone who missed the show - you're welcome!