Reasons You Didn't Make Vulture's List Of 50 Comedians You Should and Will Know

by: Doogie Horner

1. Your name is hard to spell (and being Polish didn’t help either).

2. Congratulations, you’re number 51!

3. The editors at Vulture can’t remember whether or not you’re dead, and they don’t feel like googling it.

4. Maybe people refuse to take you seriously because you never stop clowning around?

5. Too edgy!

6. Not edgy enough.

7. You only perform in North Korea.

8. People should know you, but won’t.

9. People shouldn’t know you, but will.

10. You’re always eating a sandwich on stage and it makes it hard to understand you sometimes.

11. Your tenure as 42nd President of the United States overshadows your comedy career.

12. Crooked candy corn teeth

13. You’re not funny, so just knock it off.

14. Politics! (see reason 11)

Doogie Horner is a comedian, author, and graphic designer. He is a suppurating wound of comedy.

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Comedy Show Round-up: May 3, 2013


The Comedy Works - 7:00pm at Georgine's Restaurant

The Bat - 7:00pm at Philly Improv Theater

Mitch Fatel - 7:30 & 10:00pm at Helium Comedy Club

The N Crowd - 8:00pm at The Actor's Center

Dog Mountain - 8:30pm at Philly Improv Theater

Doylestown Comedy Cabaret - 9:00pm at Poco's

Sketch Up or Shut Up - 11:00pm at Philly Improv Theater

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Hodge Podge - 8:00pm (7:30pm signups) at Hodge Podge, 1212 South St., Philadelphia

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