No one else has used the tshirt slogan “SOFT ICE CREAM GETS ME HARD”, right?
— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) April 3, 2013
Video games, working on comedy, healthy marriage. Pick two. Whoops, I picked video games twice.
— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) April 3, 2013
I accidentally asked a pregnant lady if she was just fat. #Whoops!
— Jim Ginty (@Jim_Ginty) April 1, 2013
If I played for a soccer team it’d be called Reál Insecuré.
— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) April 1, 2013
My cat’s declawed, so now his only weapon is sarcasm.
— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) March 29, 2013
I used to get scared when I worked nights as a security guard so I carried a security blanket.
— Amir Gollan (@Agollan) April 2, 2013
Can’t wait to see who’s gonna be the winner of the “Go to Opening Day with Johnny Goodtimes” contest! Just give me a ticket, and you win!
— Johnny Goodtimes (@JohnnyGoodtimes) April 5, 2013
Just so you know, the guy at 7 Eleven doesn’t care that “Ima put these sweedish fish in my belly aquarium.”
— John McKeever (@JohnnyMcKeever) April 5, 2013
Starting to realize that every time someone’s told me to believe in myself, they were secretly trying to sabotage me.
— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) March 31, 2013
I’m gonna go out on a limb here, and see if that gives me a better view inside this guy’s bedroom.
— Alejandro Morales(@AlleyHandRow) April 3, 2013
Birds chirping at 530am are the “white people asking if it’s Friday yet” of the animal kingdom.
— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) April 4, 2013
All jokes have been made. Log off now.
— Daniel Eastman (@danieleastman) April 5, 2013
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