tweets of the week

May 24, 2013 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
May 24, 2013 7:30 pmPete Holmes
May 24, 2013 7:30 pmThe Good, The Bad, and The Funny
May 24, 2013 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
May 24, 2013 8:30 pmThe Flat Earth
May 24, 2013 8:30 pmKing of Prussia Comedy Cabaret
May 24, 2013 9:30 pmThe Good, The Bad, and The Funny
May 24, 2013 10:00 pmThe Grimacchio Variety Hour
May 24, 2013 10:00 pmPete Holmes
May 25, 2013 7:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
May 25, 2013 7:30 pmThe Good, The Bad, and The Funny
May 25, 2013 7:30 pmLast Saturdays Comedy Show
May 25, 2013 7:30 pmPete Holmes
May 25, 2013 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
May 25, 2013 8:00 pmThe Captain Action Comedy Show
May 25, 2013 8:30 pmPHIT House Team Night
May 25, 2013 9:00 pmNortheast Comedy Cabaret
May 25, 2013 9:00 pmDoylestown Comedy Cabaret
May 25, 2013 9:30 pmThe Good, The Bad, and The Funny
May 25, 2013 9:30 pmThe Comedy Works
May 25, 2013 9:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
May 25, 2013 10:00 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
May 29, 2013 8:00 pmConklin's Comedy Night
May 30, 2013 8:00 pmLaff Therapy Thursdays
May 31, 2013 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works

AEC v1.0.4

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 23

By Aaron Hertzog, on March 8th, 2013

The TSA will allow small knives on planes again, so we can finally get back what we missed most about flying: reenacting the Beat It video.

— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) March 6, 2013

My brain still refers to a large group of people other than myself as “grown ups”.

— Mary Radzinski (@MaryRadzinski) March 5, 2013

Sorry officer, but whipping rocks at birds is part of my religion.

— Joe Moore (@thejoemoore) March 4, 2013

I have an Odometer in my car. It tells me how many times a day Lamar Odom wishes he didn’t marry a Kardashian. #125431

— Jim Ginty (@Jim_Ginty) March 4, 2013

75 Trombones?! That’s not enough for this big parade! #paradeproblems #moretrombones

— Brendan Kennedy (@brendankennedy) March 5, 2013

Every time my cat sleeps next to my baby I feel like the internet has come to life.

— Lora(@LoraNeely) March 1, 2013

Playing video games online is like middle school. It’s where I go to get made fun of by thirteen year olds.

— Luke Giordano (@lukegiordano) March 3, 2013

“Do you wash your jeans?” -Someone Who Doesn’t.

— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) March 4, 2013

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 22

By Aaron Hertzog, on March 1st, 2013

My car stereo has a scan button in case a bad song comes on. I also got a scan button put in for the clock in case I’m having a bad time.
— Amir Gollan (@Agollan) February 27, 2013

A little just birdie told me “You should go to the hospital, you hit your head really hard and have a severe concussion.”
— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) February 25, 2013

I hate when I have something to complain about and someone tells me it’s a first world problem. #firstworldproblems

— Alison Zeidman (@AlisonZeidman) February 22, 2013

My diary is essentially Doogie Horner fan fiction.

— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) February 27, 2013

“I have had it with these mothafuckin Blakes on this mothafuckin plane!” -probably the people on this plane I’m on. #BlakeHistoryMonth

— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) February 26, 2013

I refer to Medieval Times as my “home away from home” because sometimes I hide from the staff when they close and sleep there.

— Dominic Moschitti (@Dommoschitti) March 1, 2013

Still not sure if “husky” was a real catholic school uniform pants size or if my mom and the uniform store guy were just very openly cruel.

— Tim Butterly (@timbutterly) February 28, 2013

You know those videos of servicemen coming home and surprising their children? I act the same way every time the pizza guy shows up.

— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) February 28, 2013

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.