Upcoming Shows

  • October 31, 2014 8:00 amNationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Helium
  • October 31, 2014 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
  • October 31, 2014 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
  • October 31, 2014 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • October 31, 2014 8:30 pmFigment Theater: Sessions @ Studio C
  • October 31, 2014 9:30 pmFigment Theater: Sessions @ Studio C
  • November 1, 2014Nationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Heliun
  • November 1, 2014Nationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Helium
  • November 1, 2014 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • November 1, 2014 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • November 1, 2014 9:30 pmThe Comedy Works
  • November 1, 2014 10:00 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • November 1, 2014 10:30 pmImprov Comedy: PHIT House Teams
  • November 5, 2014 8:00 pmComedy Masters
  • November 6, 2014 8:30 pmFigment Theater: Sessions @ Studio C
  • November 6, 2014 9:00 pmThe Comedy Attic
  • November 7, 2014 8:00 amNationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Helium
  • November 7, 2014 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
  • November 7, 2014 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
  • November 7, 2014 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • November 7, 2014 8:30 pmFigment Theater: Sessions @ Studio C
  • November 7, 2014 9:30 pmFigment Theater: Sessions @ Studio C
  • November 8, 2014Nationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Helium
  • November 8, 2014Nationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Heliun
  • November 8, 2014 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
AEC v1.0.4

Mark Leopold “Interviews” Dan Jaquette

Mark Leopold is a Philadelphia improviser, sketch comedian, employee, owner-of-a-wardrobe-full-of-plaid-shirts, and a friend. He is a member of the PHIT house team Hey Rube as well as a new addition to the cast of Comedysportz and he does sketch comedy with his group The Hold-up. When he isn’t doing one of these things he is busy doing other things, like working and laundry, and so while he sincerely wishes he was able to be a real interviewer, the best he is able to do is interview people in his head while he drives different places. Today, while going to pick up some milk, Mark took some time to sit down in a tent down at Occupy Philly in his head with Philadelphia improviser and Beirdo member Dan Jaquette.

Mark Leopold: Hey Dan, it’s me Mark!

Dan Jaquette: Hi. (extending his hand for a handshake) Dan.

ML: (shaking his hand) Mark.

This joke really only makes sense to the two of them and is based on a single incident which has colored their friendship ever since.

ML: So, you’re in Beirdo now…that’s new and therefore, something we should talk about.

DJ: I’m doing it ironically.

ML: Beirdo?

DJ: Yes. I’m a member of the group ironically. Whereas Dennis and Kevin are both genuinely interested and committed to being in an improv group based on the fact that they have beards, I actually grew a beard and joined the group as a commentary on people who would do that sort of thing.

ML: That is…elaborate.

DJ: No one has ever accused me of being less than elaborate.

ML: I’ve heard you described as circumspect.

DJ: How flattering!

ML: Do you know what it means?

DJ: Not entirely, but honestly I find it flattering that people are talking about me at all.

ML: Any press is good press?

DJ: Something like that. I feel like circumspect means something about circles, like circumference. And the “spect” part is probably a dig about my glasses.

ML: Well you do wear glasses.

DJ: I know right?

ML: (laughing) Terrible!

DJ: Just call me Mr. Imperfect Vision.

ML: (holding up his finger to call attention to an important point he wants to make) Bad eyesight is caused by the eyeball becoming deformed and throwing off the focal point of the lens in your cornea. Fact.

DJ: And there’s other reasons too…

ML: Nope. Just that reason. That is the only reason for bad eyesight.

DJ: I find myself forced to agree with you.

ML: We’ve got quite a back and forth going here Dan.

DJ: It’s Gilmore Girl-esque.

ML: You’re Gilmore Girl-esque.

DJ: Heyoo!

ML: …and you wear glasses!

DJ: You’re really on a roll now.

They laugh uproariously and smile…the best of friends.

ML: (extending hand for a handshake) Mark.

DJ: (raising eyebrows in a spot-on imitation of a person meeting Mark for the first time) Dan.

ML: Ah! So…let’s talk about you getting married.

DJ: Okay.

ML: Has that already happened?

DJ: My marriage?

ML: Yeah, are you already married or are you just engaged?

DJ: I am engaged.

ML: To…I want to say…Helen?

DJ: Ellen.

ML: Eileen?

DJ: Nope, still Ellen.

ML: Yeah, that’s just not sticking. Any chance we could get that changed?

DJ: What works for you?

ML: Hm. Brooke?

DJ: She doesn’t seem like a Brooke.

ML: Are you kidding? She’s smart and funny and pretty!

DJ: Easy…that’s my future wife there tough guy.

ML: Wow…you just don’t strike me as a the type of person who would say “tough guy.”

DJ: Are you kidding? I’m a rugged badass with a beard and a motorcycle, but who has also studied the works of Shakespeare at a graduate level.

ML: Hm, well I guess that settles it. Best of luck with…dammit…Elton?

DJ: Not a first name.

ML: Maureen?

DJ: Someone else entirely.

ML: …well…I mean…I’m assuming most of these other names belong to other people entirely…

DJ: Not Erolton.

ML: No one’s gotten to that name yet?

DJ: Not yet. It’s fresh off the name-assembly line.

ML: It’s not terrible.

DJ: Well don’t get any ideas, we’re planning on naming our first child Erolton.

ML: We?

DJ: Yeah, me and…oh man…dammit.

More laughter. More friendship.

ML: (extending hand for a handshake, but unsure.) Dan?

DJ: (thinks for a moment, then points like he’s ninety percent sure) Mark.

Mark Leopold “Interviews” Dennis Trafny

Mark Leopold is a Philadelphia improviser, sketch comedian, employee, someone-whose-affection-for-cheese-leads-him-to-buy-far-more-than-he actually-ends-up-using-and-in-the-end-probably-wastes-more-than-he-eats-and-just-really-wishes-he-had-that-part-of-his-life-worked-out-a-little-more clearly,and a friend. He is a member of the PHIT house team Hey Rube as well as a new addition to the cast of Comedysportz and he does sketch comedy with his group The Hold-up. When he isn’t doing one of these things he is busy doing other things, like working and laundry, and so while he sincerely wishes he was able to be a real interviewer, the best he is able to do is interview people in his head while he drives different places. Today, while on 95 south, Mark took some time to sit down on a Euclidian plane in his head with Philadelphia improviser and Hey Rube teammate Dennis Trafny.

Mark Leopold: Hey Dennis, it’s me Mark!

Dennis Trafny: Where the hell are we?

ML: It’s a Euclidian plane.

DT: Is this a metaphor?

ML: Nope, just a mathematical plane.

DT: I mean, does the existence of this place inside of you represent some subtle and ignored aspect of who you are?

ML: Uh…maybe. I just thought it would be a neat place to do an interview.

DT: Why?

ML: Because it’s a place where math and physics exist perfectly. In the real world, the imperfections of matter prevent those things from being observably true.

DT: This is starting to sound a whole lot like a metaphor.

ML: It’s not a metaphor. Just drop it. I thought you would like it here.

DT: I don’t.

ML: Why not? It’s awesome…math and physics exist as a reali…

DT: Pirate ship.

ML: Pardon?

DT: You should have chosen to interview me on a pirate ship.

ML: …that…seems…dumb.

DT: Pirate ships are in no way dumb.

ML: Okay fine.

The Euclidian plane, which was totally awesome, fades away and is replaced by a big dumbpirate ship. Mark and Dennis are now suddenly dressed as pirates, which makes no sense at all,but hey, whatever right?

DT: What the hell?

ML: What!

DT: These are the worst pirate outfits ever. They’re not even close to anything authentic.

ML: What did you expect? I have no exposure to pirate culture. My only reference for piracy is a news item from a few years ago and the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

DT: I think you misspelled Carrbiean.

ML: Nope, I had to check with Google, but it’s spelled Caribbean.

DT: You’re sure? Two Bs in a row?

ML: It’s a crazy mixed up world Dennis.

DT: Well either way you could make us look more badass…

ML: Swiss Family Robinson.

DT: …

ML: There were pirates in that movie as well, but again, they were like cartoon pirates.

DT: Whatever, let’s just shoot cannons or something while we’re here.

ML: Forget this, we’re going back to the Euclidian plane.

DT: No, come on…

ML: Hey, I’m running this interview okay? I’ll do it where I want to do it. I initially thought you’d be psyched about the Euclidian plane…

DT: Why would I be excited about that?

ML: Because you’re a doctor! I thought you’d be impressed.

DT: I’m a veterinarian.

ML: …which is like a doctor.

DT: Not really.

ML: You went to animal medical school and stuff, so it’s like a doctor.

DT: It really isn’t. I mean, when pretty much the first thing you recommend is euthanasia, it’s not exactly…

ML: …this is starting to feel really disrespectful towards veterinarians.

DT: We’re cool with it.

ML: Well you better be. I don’t need Dr. Dolittle showing up at my door…

DT: Okay, now you’re crossing a line dude.

ML: Ugh, whatever. I need to pull over and get some gas anyway.

DT: Later.

ML: Yeah…later.

Dennis stands there on the Euclidian plane dressed like a stupid pirate…and it makes no sense.