blake wexler « WitOut

June 20, 2013 7:00 pmDaniel Tosh
June 20, 2013 8:00 pmLaff Therapy Thursdays
June 20, 2013 8:00 pmComedian Deconstruction
June 20, 2013 8:00 pmBert Kreischer
June 20, 2013 8:30 pmJohn Hughes High: June of '87
June 20, 2013 8:30 pmFigment Theater's The Vagabond Sessions
June 20, 2013 9:00 pmGet Real 4 @ Underground Arts
June 20, 2013 9:30 pmDaniel Tosh
June 21, 2013 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
June 21, 2013 7:00 pmOld School's Comedy Showcase
June 21, 2013 7:30 pmBert Kreischer
June 21, 2013 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
June 21, 2013 9:00 pmSomething Witty at The Dive
June 21, 2013 10:00 pmBert Kreischer
June 22, 2013 4:00 pmDoug Benson (Stand-Up Show)
June 22, 2013 7:30 pmBert Kreischer
June 22, 2013 7:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
June 22, 2013 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
June 22, 2013 7:30 pm"Outside the Box" Live DVD Filming featuring Chris Smith
June 22, 2013 9:00 pmNortheast Comedy Cabaret
June 22, 2013 9:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
June 22, 2013 9:30 pmThe Comedy Works
June 22, 2013 10:00 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
June 26, 2013 8:00 pmConklin's Comedy Night
June 26, 2013 8:00 pmFree For All

AEC v1.0.4

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 36

By Aaron Hertzog, on June 14th, 2013

I once dated a girl because her http://t.co/DaISSUroDV profile stated she had lots of "pizzaz". I misread it as "pizzas".

— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) June 14, 2013

It's awkward when my therapist asks if I've thought about suicide or made a plan… I guess so? I had a bunch of "Save the Date"s printed.

— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) June 14, 2013

Alright let's get to it, you big fucking asshole. *finishes brushing teeth, continues to avoid own gaze in bathroom mirror*

— Tim Butterly (@timbutterly) June 13, 2013

That's what I love about corpses. I get older, they stay the SAME AGE.

— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) June 12, 2013

And as always, a happy early Father's Day to Papa Roach.

— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) June 12, 2013

I have an agreement with the cockroaches in my house: I let them go wherever they want, and that's it. That's the agreement.

— Paul Triggiani (@PaulTrigg) June 10, 2013

If someone had told me in high school how cool nerds were gonna be when I got older I wouldnt have wasted all that time getting really cool

— Christian Alsis (@christianalsis) June 8, 2013

I think I trend more toward "politically inaccurate" than "politically incorrect."

— Alison Lynn (@Alison_lynnZ) June 8, 2013

MY COCK IS ON CAPS LOCK! - a rapper or something

— Jim Ginty (@Jim_Ginty) June 8, 2013

"You can cut it in half and it will still be alive!" – my neighbor's kid, the (hopefully) worm murderer

— Carolyn Busa (@misstoiletslave) June 8, 2013

"I like the way you work it. No diggity. I gotta bag it up." –grocery store bagger to customer, moments before he's fired

— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) June 7, 2013

Went to a Super Walmart because the regular ones are so pedestrian.

— Mary Radzinski (@MaryRadzinski) June 14, 2013

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 31

By Aaron Hertzog, on May 3rd, 2013

I should have focused in college more on the ‘What I want to do with my life’ part & less of the ‘Everyday is like Old Country Buffet’ part

— Carolyn Busa (@misstoiletslave) May 2, 2013

If I were in charge of prisons, I would ban all large pushcarts full of dirty laundry.

— Christian Alsis (@christianalsis) April 27, 2013

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was during that TED talk he gave on how optical illusions work.

— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) April 30, 2013

“The good witch” is NOT the right answer to “How would you describe yourself?” in an interview.

— Mary Radzinski (@MaryRadzinski) May 2, 2013

When people say they ‘feel some type of way’ they don’t know what they mean either. #TypaWay

— Jim Ginty (@Jim_Ginty) May 2, 2013

A lot of my “step two’s” are get ketchup.

— Jp Boudwin (@JpBoudwin) April 30, 2013

Saw a pair of sweatpants yesterday that I really wanted. I didn’t get them because I’m not ready for owning multiple pairs of sweatpants.

— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) April 27, 2013

did you ever see a moviethat everybodylovedbut youhated ? that’s how I feelabout the Zapruder film, oh, and ET

— John Kensil (@johnkensil) April 27, 2013

“So far I’ve accumulated 1,620 ways to Drive my Man Wild!” –person who enjoys magazines

— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) April 29, 2013

“Toiletries don’t grow on Toilet Trees!” -a parent lecturing their child about wasting Q-tips.

— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) May 1, 2013

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 27

By Aaron Hertzog, on April 5th, 2013

No one else has used the tshirt slogan “SOFT ICE CREAM GETS ME HARD”, right?

— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) April 3, 2013

Video games, working on comedy, healthy marriage. Pick two. Whoops, I picked video games twice.

— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) April 3, 2013

I accidentally asked a pregnant lady if she was just fat. #Whoops!

— Jim Ginty (@Jim_Ginty) April 1, 2013

If I played for a soccer team it’d be called Reál Insecuré.

— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) April 1, 2013

My cat’s declawed, so now his only weapon is sarcasm.

— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) March 29, 2013

I used to get scared when I worked nights as a security guard so I carried a security blanket.

— Amir Gollan (@Agollan) April 2, 2013

Can’t wait to see who’s gonna be the winner of the “Go to Opening Day with Johnny Goodtimes” contest! Just give me a ticket, and you win!

— Johnny Goodtimes (@JohnnyGoodtimes) April 5, 2013

Just so you know, the guy at 7 Eleven doesn’t care that “Ima put these sweedish fish in my belly aquarium.”

— John McKeever (@JohnnyMcKeever) April 5, 2013

Starting to realize that every time someone’s told me to believe in myself, they were secretly trying to sabotage me.

— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) March 31, 2013

I’m gonna go out on a limb here, and see if that gives me a better view inside this guy’s bedroom.

— Alejandro Morales(@AlleyHandRow) April 3, 2013

Birds chirping at 530am are the “white people asking if it’s Friday yet” of the animal kingdom.

— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) April 4, 2013

All jokes have been made. Log off now.

— Daniel Eastman (@danieleastman) April 5, 2013

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Tweets of the Week, Vol. 23

By Aaron Hertzog, on March 8th, 2013

The TSA will allow small knives on planes again, so we can finally get back what we missed most about flying: reenacting the Beat It video.

— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) March 6, 2013

My brain still refers to a large group of people other than myself as “grown ups”.

— Mary Radzinski (@MaryRadzinski) March 5, 2013

Sorry officer, but whipping rocks at birds is part of my religion.

— Joe Moore (@thejoemoore) March 4, 2013

I have an Odometer in my car. It tells me how many times a day Lamar Odom wishes he didn’t marry a Kardashian. #125431

— Jim Ginty (@Jim_Ginty) March 4, 2013

75 Trombones?! That’s not enough for this big parade! #paradeproblems #moretrombones

— Brendan Kennedy (@brendankennedy) March 5, 2013

Every time my cat sleeps next to my baby I feel like the internet has come to life.

— Lora(@LoraNeely) March 1, 2013

Playing video games online is like middle school. It’s where I go to get made fun of by thirteen year olds.

— Luke Giordano (@lukegiordano) March 3, 2013

“Do you wash your jeans?” -Someone Who Doesn’t.

— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) March 4, 2013

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Tweets of the Week, Vol. 22

By Aaron Hertzog, on March 1st, 2013

My car stereo has a scan button in case a bad song comes on. I also got a scan button put in for the clock in case I’m having a bad time.
— Amir Gollan (@Agollan) February 27, 2013

A little just birdie told me “You should go to the hospital, you hit your head really hard and have a severe concussion.”
— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) February 25, 2013

I hate when I have something to complain about and someone tells me it’s a first world problem. #firstworldproblems

— Alison Zeidman (@AlisonZeidman) February 22, 2013

My diary is essentially Doogie Horner fan fiction.

— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) February 27, 2013

“I have had it with these mothafuckin Blakes on this mothafuckin plane!” -probably the people on this plane I’m on. #BlakeHistoryMonth

— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) February 26, 2013

I refer to Medieval Times as my “home away from home” because sometimes I hide from the staff when they close and sleep there.

— Dominic Moschitti (@Dommoschitti) March 1, 2013

Still not sure if “husky” was a real catholic school uniform pants size or if my mom and the uniform store guy were just very openly cruel.

— Tim Butterly (@timbutterly) February 28, 2013

You know those videos of servicemen coming home and surprising their children? I act the same way every time the pizza guy shows up.

— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) February 28, 2013

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 14

By Aaron Hertzog, on January 4th, 2013

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 13

By Aaron Hertzog, on December 28th, 2012

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 12

By Aaron Hertzog, on December 21st, 2012

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 2

By Aaron Hertzog, on October 12th, 2012

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

The Witout Podcast, Episode 7: Blake Wexler

By Aaron Hertzog, on March 18th, 2012

This week, Aaron is joined by Blake Wexler, a stand-up comedian that started in Philadelphia at the tender age of 15, moved on to do comedy in Boston while attending Emerson, and now lives and performs in Los Angeles. Blake and Aaron get silly. Listen to this week’s episode below and subscribe on iTunes.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Blake Wexler is the host of his own weekly podcast The Blake Wexler Show. You can see him perform this week at Helium Comedy Club with Todd Glass.

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The Witout Podcast, Episode 7: Blake Wexler

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