Humor « WitOut

June 19, 2013 7:30 pmTell Me a Story
June 19, 2013 8:00 pmConklin's Comedy Night
June 19, 2013 8:00 pmFree For All
June 20, 2013 7:00 pmDaniel Tosh
June 20, 2013 8:00 pmLaff Therapy Thursdays
June 20, 2013 8:00 pmComedian Deconstruction
June 20, 2013 8:00 pmBert Kreischer
June 20, 2013 8:30 pmFigment Theater's The Vagabond Sessions
June 20, 2013 8:30 pmJohn Hughes High: June of '87
June 20, 2013 9:00 pmGet Real 4 @ Underground Arts
June 20, 2013 9:30 pmDaniel Tosh
June 21, 2013 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
June 21, 2013 7:00 pmOld School's Comedy Showcase
June 21, 2013 7:30 pmBert Kreischer
June 21, 2013 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
June 21, 2013 9:00 pmSomething Witty at The Dive
June 21, 2013 10:00 pmBert Kreischer
June 22, 2013 4:00 pmDoug Benson (Stand-Up Show)
June 22, 2013 7:30 pm"Outside the Box" Live DVD Filming featuring Chris Smith
June 22, 2013 7:30 pmBert Kreischer
June 22, 2013 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
June 22, 2013 7:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
June 22, 2013 9:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
June 22, 2013 9:30 pmThe Comedy Works
June 22, 2013 10:00 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia

AEC v1.0.4

Comedy is Liberty: Guess the Headliner

By Aaron Hertzog, on April 25th, 2013

The second Comedy is Liberty weekend show is this Saturday at Liberties Bar & Grill. In this promo video Alison Zeidman hosts as Steven Bryan tries to guess who will be headlining the stand-up comedy showcase.

If you are a Philadelphia comedy performer that produces a podcast, web series, sketch video, humor column, or any other online content let us know by emailing us at contact@witout.net so we can share it!

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 29

By Aaron Hertzog, on April 19th, 2013

My self-esteem waivers daily between pageant winner and an animal wearing a cone.

— Mary Radzinski (@MaryRadzinski) April 17, 2013

The Bible really jumps the shark when Jesus invents a contraption that turns him into ultra-suave ladies man Jeezy Chrizzist

— Christian Alsis (@christianalsis) April 16, 2013

People are bashing Congress today. But I still believe in the the sanctity of our government, and its three branches: Oil, Guns, and Banks.

— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) April 18, 2013

Thankfully, I don’t like my women like I like my music: heavy fuzz, distorted bottom, and guttural.

— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) April 18, 2013

Looking to invest. Anyone sitting on an invention that hurts others and tells people you’re dumb but makes you feel like your wang is huge?

— Tim Butterly (@timbutterly) April 18, 2013

I’m in favor of thorough background checks. Without them, I would have never seen that kid ghost in 3 Men and a Baby.

— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) April 18, 2013

Apparently the IRS doesnt like my tax filing status of “single, looking to mingle”

— Kevin Ryan (@KevinRyan00) April 15, 2013

So frustrated. Can’t find any entry level space jobs. How can I get space experience if all the space jobs require 4 years space experience?

— Trevor Cunnion (@TrevorCunnion) April 18, 2013

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

LawnBoys Comedy Presents: “The Magical Misadventures of Mike Logan”

By Alison Zeidman, on April 16th, 2013

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 28

By Aaron Hertzog, on April 12th, 2013

Why doesn’t the media report the POSITIVE stories about guns?Like how they make you feel like your dick’s bigger?

— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) April 10, 2013

QUESTION: Does anyone know how to decorate the top of a latte to look like a wasted degree in graphic design?

— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) April 7, 2013

If you like watching porn, you’re probably gonna love this video of somebody else eating ice cream without you.

— Alison Zeidman (@AlisonZeidman) April 5, 2013

You know, being “Joe Moore” is all fine and good, but sometimes I just wanna be plain old “Screaming Maniac Wielding Nunchucks.”

— Joe Moore (@thejoemoore) April 9, 2013

“My artisan mayo guy is in Bolivia for a month, so I can’t make a decent sandwich.” – My imaginary worst enemy. Also, me with more money.

— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) April 8, 2013

Come on white ppl, shorts on in…..nah im jokin…its hot enough now

— Omar J. Scruggs (@OmarScruggs) April 9, 2013

Bad news: The maid I employ for my yacht gets motion sickness real bad and we’re taking her disability claim to court.

— Holding Court (@holdingcourtpod) April 11, 2013

Satellite images show that North Korea’s long-range missiles are actually just broken hot dog guns.

— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) April 12, 2013

Okay, a lot of you seem to think you know a lot about basketball, but can you even name three cities in the state of Wichita?

— James Hesky (@JamesHesky) April 6, 2013

Work hard and try your best, and someday you’ll be dead just like everyone who goofed around the whole time.

— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) April 10, 2013

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

The Panic Hour Presents “Four Twenty”

By WitOut, on April 10th, 2013

Did you know the comedians of The Panic Hour podcast (N.a. Poe, Steve Miller-Miller, David Piccolomini) write song parodies? It’s true! Did you know they wrote one about pot? That shouldn’t be surprising!

Rob Baniewicz – “Ashes”

By Aaron Hertzog, on April 8th, 2013

The latest sketch comedy video from Rob Baniewicz features performaces by Alli Soowal and Maggy Keegan. Enjoy!

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 27

By Aaron Hertzog, on April 5th, 2013

No one else has used the tshirt slogan “SOFT ICE CREAM GETS ME HARD”, right?

— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) April 3, 2013

Video games, working on comedy, healthy marriage. Pick two. Whoops, I picked video games twice.

— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) April 3, 2013

I accidentally asked a pregnant lady if she was just fat. #Whoops!

— Jim Ginty (@Jim_Ginty) April 1, 2013

If I played for a soccer team it’d be called Reál Insecuré.

— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) April 1, 2013

My cat’s declawed, so now his only weapon is sarcasm.

— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) March 29, 2013

I used to get scared when I worked nights as a security guard so I carried a security blanket.

— Amir Gollan (@Agollan) April 2, 2013

Can’t wait to see who’s gonna be the winner of the “Go to Opening Day with Johnny Goodtimes” contest! Just give me a ticket, and you win!

— Johnny Goodtimes (@JohnnyGoodtimes) April 5, 2013

Just so you know, the guy at 7 Eleven doesn’t care that “Ima put these sweedish fish in my belly aquarium.”

— John McKeever (@JohnnyMcKeever) April 5, 2013

Starting to realize that every time someone’s told me to believe in myself, they were secretly trying to sabotage me.

— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) March 31, 2013

I’m gonna go out on a limb here, and see if that gives me a better view inside this guy’s bedroom.

— Alejandro Morales(@AlleyHandRow) April 3, 2013

Birds chirping at 530am are the “white people asking if it’s Friday yet” of the animal kingdom.

— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) April 4, 2013

All jokes have been made. Log off now.

— Daniel Eastman (@danieleastman) April 5, 2013

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 26

By Aaron Hertzog, on March 29th, 2013

People say Bush stole the 2000 election but no one says bupkis about the chronic, chronic cheating of the Harlem Globetrotters. #fb

— John Kensil (@johnkensil) March 24, 2013

“Is that the guy from the Strokes? Is that the guy from the Strokes? Is that the guy from the Strokes?”- Me, all day yesterday in Brooklyn

— John McKeever (@JohnnyMcKeever) March 26, 2013

I moisturize to stay youthful, but I know I’m just making it easier for whomever ends up wearing me as a skin suit.

— Mary Radzinski (@MaryRadzinski) March 25, 2013

I accidentally replaced my gym playlist with my Elliott Smith one, which is why all I did was run suicides for 15 minutes.

— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) March 25, 2013

At the beach with my family.Jake: Let’s bury Mommy!Me: (cold, distant) Someday son… someday.

— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) March 28, 2013

I be on my soup and fries shit. #diners

— Alison Zeidman (@AlisonZeidman) March 27, 2013

Gearing up for Easter! Just “hid” a dozen eggs on the hood of my neighbor’s new Escalade.

— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) March 28, 2013

whispering “im a normal person” over and over is totally normal right

— noralynn (@narwhalynn) March 28, 2013

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

Promo Video for ‘Monday Evening Raw’

By Alison Zeidman, on March 26th, 2013

Here’s a promo for the second Monday Evening Raw, coming to Ray’s Happy Birthday Bar on April 1st.

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 25

By Aaron Hertzog, on March 22nd, 2013

I work in a rubiks cubicle. Takes me hours to get in and out.

— Amir Gollan (@Agollan) March 22, 2013

I put the “miss” in “misanthrope,” if you spell it wrong, you dumb jerk.

— Alison Zeidman (@AlisonZeidman) March 19, 2013

I don’t suppress my anger so much as put it in a freezer, where it’s safely stored until I can pull it out as a solid ball to hurl at a car.

— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) March 20, 2013

I miss winter already. Soon I won’t have anything to blame my shitty mood on.

— Mary Radzinski (@MaryRadzinski) March 20, 2013

I’ve heard drugs are fun, but I prefer organizing pens and stuff around my office.

— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) March 21, 2013

If picking your nose was an Olympic event, I’d be like ‘why is this an Olympic event?’

— Jim Ginty (@Jim_Ginty) March 19, 2013

Everyone’s online dating profile is different but they all basically end with “or best offer.”

— John McKeever (@JohnnyMcKeever) March 19, 2013

The worst part about having a stomach bug is knowing someone is illegally listening in on everything that is going on inside your stomach.

— Christian Alsis (@christianalsis) March 19, 2013

Any illusion I may have had about being a real man was destroyed this weekend when I discovered the show “Too Cute!” on Animal Planet.

— Pat Barker (@patbarkercomedy) March 18, 2013

the big oscar movie this year was about mentally ill fuck ups living w/ their parents in the burbs just west of philly. so….not a loser

— JULIET HOPE WAYNE (@juliethopewayne) March 19, 2013

“Really thinking about getting back into thinking about getting back into things.” -every 30 year-old

— Carl Boccuti (@bocooter) March 21, 2013

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

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Comedy is Liberty: Guess the Headliner

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 29

LawnBoys Comedy Presents: “The Magical Misadventures of Mike Logan”

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 28

The Panic Hour Presents “Four Twenty”

Rob Baniewicz – “Ashes”

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 27

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 26

Promo Video for ‘Monday Evening Raw’

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 25

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