Humor « WitOut

May 25, 2013 7:30 pmLast Saturdays Comedy Show
May 25, 2013 7:30 pmThe Good, The Bad, and The Funny
May 25, 2013 7:30 pmPete Holmes
May 25, 2013 7:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
May 25, 2013 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
May 25, 2013 8:00 pmThe Captain Action Comedy Show
May 25, 2013 8:30 pmPHIT House Team Night
May 25, 2013 9:00 pmDoylestown Comedy Cabaret
May 25, 2013 9:00 pmNortheast Comedy Cabaret
May 25, 2013 9:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
May 25, 2013 9:30 pmThe Good, The Bad, and The Funny
May 25, 2013 9:30 pmThe Comedy Works
May 25, 2013 10:00 pmPete Holmes
May 25, 2013 10:00 pmPHIT House Team Night
May 25, 2013 10:00 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
May 25, 2013 11:00 pmCagematch
May 26, 2013 11:00 amComedySportz for Kids
May 26, 2013 5:00 pmPHIT Conservatory presents: "Hydra"
May 26, 2013 7:00 pmPHIT Conservatory presents: "Hydra"
May 26, 2013 8:30 pmThe Deans
May 29, 2013 8:00 pmConklin's Comedy Night
May 30, 2013 8:00 pmLaff Therapy Thursdays
May 31, 2013 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
May 31, 2013 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
June 1, 2013 7:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club

AEC v1.0.4

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 33

By Aaron Hertzog, on May 17th, 2013

I mean, if you can’t trust some douchebag crust punk drifter with an ax, who CAN you trust?

— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) May 16, 2013

I’ve created my own prison. You’re right again, Creed lyric of the day calendar.

— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) May 17, 2013

I keep thinking I need a free spirit to bring out my adventurous side…but then I remember I hate free spirits, and adventure, and people.

— Jim Ginty (@Jim_Ginty) May 16, 2013

“You know, for someone who complains about people who complain all the time, you sure do complain a lot.” – Me, to me.

— Mike Logan (@LoganDoesComedy) May 13, 2013

I swear, I can’t sleep without the television on (at full volume playing season 2 episode 14 of Grace Under Fire at 1/16th its normal speed)

— Christian Alsis (@christianalsis) May 14, 2013

“Not bragging or anything, but how many little league world champions have you screwed?” – Woman pouring shots at Toms River, NJ Strip Club

— Joe Moore (@thejoemoore) May 17, 2013

You know what goes great with coffee?A coworker starting an unsolicited conversation about having her uterus removed.

— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) May 17, 2013

“We’ve got gang bangs.” –gang leader, enforcing the group’s mandatory haircut

— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) May 16, 2013

Maybe if The Baha Men focused on solving the problem instead of stating it repeatedly, they’d get an answer.

— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) May 15, 2013

Y’know that feeling when you cut yourself accidentally and then you’re like, “that was nice. I should do this more often.”

— Alex Grubard (@Alexgrubard) May 13, 2013

I can’t believe diapers are fireproof. See for yourself!

— Paul Triggiani (@PaulTrigg) May 11, 2013

The Up-and-Comer: Mo Mandel

By Aaron Hertzog, on May 17th, 2013

This week with bonus footage!

If you are a Philadelphia comedy performer that produces a podcast, web series, sketch video, humor column, or any other online content let us know by emailing us at contact@witout.net so we can share it!

Camp Woods – The Zone

By Aaron Hertzog, on May 15th, 2013

Enjoy this “lost sketch” from Camp Woods.

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 32

By Aaron Hertzog, on May 10th, 2013

I did laundry even though I had 4 days of clothes left. If this was a feel-good movie about me becoming and adult, credits would’ve rolled

— James Hesky (@JamesHesky) May 8, 2013

The machine I use most at my gym is the one that vends protein bars.

— Aaron Nevins (@AaronNevins) May 10, 2013

How do I calculate my street credit score?

— Alison Zeidman (@AlisonZeidman) May 7, 2013

The Balking Dead. How will the undead respond to this seldom called baseball infraction?

— dennis trapney (@classic_dennis) May 8, 2013

I meant to say, “Freudian slip,” but instead I said, “I’ve got a lot of shameful sex secrets.”

— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) May 6, 2013

In first grade, I took guitar lessons from a nun. I was too young to laugh at a nun constantly talking about fingering.

— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) May 9, 2013

I can’t find a calorie count on “feelings” in MyFitnessPal.

— Mary Radzinski (@MaryRadzinski) May 9, 2013

My mom: “I was in labor with you for 36 hours. I’d say you were comfortable.”Me: “I’m living with you at 28; I’m STILL comfortable.”

— Pat House (@BohemianPatsody) May 8, 2013

I like typing messages to people who look at my phone over my shoulder. Yes, you, shit shirt.

— Tim Butterly (@timbutterly) May 9, 2013

Crying on the inside today waters the joke flowers of tomorrow

— Darryl Charles (@darryldarryl_) May 6, 2013

The Up-and-Comer: Myq Kaplan

By Aaron Hertzog, on May 10th, 2013

Here’s the latest in Helium Comedy Club‘s video series The Up-and-Comer, in which Philadelphia comedian Aaron Nevins sits down with the club’s headliner for the week to have a one-on-one chat about comedy.

Watch Tommy Pope Applaud Steve Martin on ‘Late Night with Jimmy Fallon’

By Aaron Hertzog, on May 7th, 2013

Comedian Tommy Pope (2012 Just For Laughs Festival, 2011 Philly’s Phunniest Person) can be seen is this clip from last night’s episode of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon applauding comedy legend Steve Martin during his entrance to the show. Look for his handsome face around the :45 second mark of the video.

Reasons You Didn’t Make Vulture’s List Of 50 Comedians You Should and Will Know

By WitOut, on May 3rd, 2013

by: Doogie Horner

1. Your name is hard to spell (and being Polish didn’t help either).

2. Congratulations, you’re number 51!

3. The editors at Vulture can’t remember whether or not you’re dead, and they don’t feel like googling it.

4. Maybe people refuse to take you seriously because you never stop clowning around?

5. Too edgy!

6. Not edgy enough.

7. You only perform in North Korea.

8. People should know you, but won’t.

9. People shouldn’t know you, but will.

10. You’re always eating a sandwich on stage and it makes it hard to understand you sometimes.

11. Your tenure as 42nd President of the United States overshadows your comedy career.

12. Crooked candy corn teeth

13. You’re not funny, so just knock it off.

14. Politics! (see reason 11)

Doogie Horner is a comedian, author, and graphic designer. He is a suppurating wound of comedy.

Tweets of the Week, Vol. 31

By Aaron Hertzog, on May 3rd, 2013

I should have focused in college more on the ‘What I want to do with my life’ part & less of the ‘Everyday is like Old Country Buffet’ part

— Carolyn Busa (@misstoiletslave) May 2, 2013

If I were in charge of prisons, I would ban all large pushcarts full of dirty laundry.

— Christian Alsis (@christianalsis) April 27, 2013

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was during that TED talk he gave on how optical illusions work.

— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) April 30, 2013

“The good witch” is NOT the right answer to “How would you describe yourself?” in an interview.

— Mary Radzinski (@MaryRadzinski) May 2, 2013

When people say they ‘feel some type of way’ they don’t know what they mean either. #TypaWay

— Jim Ginty (@Jim_Ginty) May 2, 2013

A lot of my “step two’s” are get ketchup.

— Jp Boudwin (@JpBoudwin) April 30, 2013

Saw a pair of sweatpants yesterday that I really wanted. I didn’t get them because I’m not ready for owning multiple pairs of sweatpants.

— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) April 27, 2013

did you ever see a moviethat everybodylovedbut youhated ? that’s how I feelabout the Zapruder film, oh, and ET

— John Kensil (@johnkensil) April 27, 2013

“So far I’ve accumulated 1,620 ways to Drive my Man Wild!” –person who enjoys magazines

— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) April 29, 2013

“Toiletries don’t grow on Toilet Trees!” -a parent lecturing their child about wasting Q-tips.

— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) May 1, 2013

Follow Witout on Twitter for updates from our site, as well as retweets of more of the best 140-character-or-less jokes from Philly comics.

Comedy Show Round-up: May 2, 2013

By Aaron Hertzog, on May 2nd, 2013

Shows

The Bat - 7:00pm at Philly Improv Theater

Laff Therapy Thursdays - 8:00pm at The Laff House

Thursday Comedy at PJ Ryan’s Pub - 8:00pm at PJ Ryan’s Pub

Now Time! A Sketch Comedy Showcase - 8:00pm at L’etage

Mitch Fatel - 8:00pm at Helium Comedy Club

Dog Mountain - 8:30pm at Philly Improv Theater

The Monthly Hour with James Hesky - 10:00pm at Philly Improv Theater

Open Mics

Center City Comedy – 9:00pm (signups at 8:30) at The Raven Lounge, 1718 Sansom St., Philadelphia

Comedy Under the Disco Ball – 8:00pm (signups at 7:30) at L2, 2201 South St., Philadelphia

If you run a Philadelphia-area comedy show or open mic let us know so we can share it on our calendar and in our daily show round-ups by sending us the information from our submit a show page to contact@witout.net.

Temple Smash: Bus-e-niss

By Aaron Hertzog, on May 1st, 2013

This video for Temple Smash was written by Robert Gentile; shot by Hiram Stelzig; edited by Robert Gentile; and stars Ben Hyclak, Erin Dohony, and Kevin Nguyen.

Upcoming Shows

Links

Archives