Upcoming Shows

  • April 23, 2014 7:30 pmADVENTURE FRIENDS PRESENT A SKETCH HAROLD + SABOTAGE @ PHIT
  • April 23, 2014 9:00 pmOUTSIDE VOICES + THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN @ PHIT
  • April 23, 2014 10:00 pmOUTSIDE VOICES @ PHIT
  • April 24, 2014 7:30 pmPHIT PRESENTS: MILLENNIUM QUEST: WARP JAWN
  • April 24, 2014 9:00 pmCHEAT CODE W. SPECIAL GUESTS @ PHIT
  • April 24, 2014 9:00 pmThe Comedy Attic
  • April 24, 2014 10:30 pmHOUSE OF BLACK @ PHIT
  • April 25, 2014 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
  • April 25, 2014 7:30 pmPHIT PRESENTS: MILLENNIUM QUEST: WARP JAWN
  • April 25, 2014 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • April 25, 2014 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
  • April 25, 2014 9:00 pmCHEAT CODE W. SPECIAL GUESTS @ PHIT
  • April 25, 2014 10:30 pmSTORY UP! AFTER DARK @ PHIT
  • April 25, 2014 11:00 pmIRON SKETCH @ PHIT
  • April 26, 2014 7:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
  • April 26, 2014 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • April 26, 2014 7:30 pmPHIT PRESENTS: MILLENNIUM QUEST: WARP JAWN
  • April 26, 2014 8:00 pmBye Bye Liver: The Philadelphia Drinking Play
  • April 26, 2014 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • April 26, 2014 9:00 pmMEN WITH FACES + BIG BABY @ PHIT
  • April 26, 2014 9:30 pmThe Comedy Works
  • April 26, 2014 9:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
  • April 26, 2014 10:00 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • April 26, 2014 10:30 pmTHE FUTURE + MAYOR KAREN @ PHIT
  • April 26, 2014 11:00 pmIRON SKETCH @ PHIT
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The WitOut.net Podcast Ep. 15: The Incredible Shrinking Matt & Jacquie

Incredible Shrinking Matt & Jacquie Javelin 4

Jacquie Baker and Matt Schmid talk sketch-comedy shop and discuss their upcoming show at Phit.

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Here’s an ad for their show!

The WitOut Dot Net Podcast Episode 14: Bryce Remsburg

Bryce Remsburg
On this episode of the WitOut Dot Net Podcast, we chat with Bryce Remsburg of Chikara Pro Wrestling and Secret Pants. Bryce breaks kayfabe to candidly discuss the current Chikara storyline, and helps us break down the evolution of the Philadelphia sketch comedy scene. Visit www.Chikarapro.com.

[Calendar update: Rory Scovel played Helium this past weekend, Wadsworth Constant/Dean's List ran 2/15. This podcast was expected to drop prior to these shows. Unfortunately, if you didn't see them, you missed them. For now...]

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Retro Philly Comedy — “Medowsteak” by Meg & Rob

 

Got any favorite Philly comedy videos from yester-year? Tweet them @WitOutDotNet

Ask a Philly Comedian — What Are You Thankful For, Chip Chantry?

Chip Chantry Thanksgiving 2013Each day this Thanksgiving Week, WitOut asks a Philly comedian what he or she is thankful for. Today we asked Chip Chantry.
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1. I’m thankful that my intramural Knockout Game team just made the semi-finals.

2. I’m thankful for the new Arcade Fire album, so now I don’t have to choreograph my figure-rollerblade routines to just Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill, like I had to for the last 12 season in a row.

3. I’m thankful for my Thursday Red Lobster lunches with Steve Swan. (UPDATE: The police have only been called ONCE on us this past month!)

4. I’m thankful for the decades-spanning body of work of Mr. Dabney Coleman.

5. I’m thankful for Christmas music on B101, so now I have something to listen to when I write in my revenge diary.

6. I’m thankful that I’ll be at Helium Comedy Club tonight and tomorrow at 7:30 and 10pm. I’m thankful that there is more information at www.heliumcomedy.com.

Ask a Philly Comedian — What Are You Thankful For, Brian Craig?

brian craig thanksgivingEach day this Thanksgiving Week, WitOut asks a Philly comedian what he or she is thankful for. Today we asked Brian Craig.
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I could very easily give any number of jokey responses, delightfully glib or arcane or absurd, but instead I’d like to take this opportunity to genuinely answer what I’m thankful for: my wife, Samantha Russell.  An inventive cook, an incredible party-planner, and a deftly subtle comedian, I am constantly floored by what she’s able to selflessly accomplish, and this little public note can hardly express the degree to which I truly appreciate what she does for me and everyone around her.

Ask a Philly Comedian — What Are You Thankful For, Aubrie Williams?

Aubrie WilliamsEach day this Thanksgiving Week, WitOut asks a Philly comedian what he or she is thankful for. Today we asked Aubrie Williams.
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I am thankful for:

-my family- they have always been supportive of me, even when I decided to take up DDR in their living room for a few months in high school.

-my friends- for without them, I wouldn’t have any friends and would be known as that weird girl around town who cries into her nachos at the Applebees.

-for two new additions to my family, both named after geographical locations!

-also I’m thankful for maps- for without them, the previously mentioned additions wouldn’t have names! (or at least the same ones)

-for buffets- good and bad, old and new! Shout out to Ruby Buffet on Delaware Ave., where I was once elbowed by a man who was trying to steal the last snow crab leg from me.

-I am thankful for that man not letting me have that last crab leg, because as he took his tiny crab leg back to his table, they brought out a new tray and I got to fill my plate. I call that karma, sir.

-I am thankful for Buffetts, namely Jimmy- because of him, we have a wonderful chain restaurant called Margaritaville! …and also a song, but I’m more thankful for the one involving food.

-the 1st concert I ever went to, which was not Jimmy Buffett but Puff Daddy and the Family’s No Way Out Tour in 1998. If I didn’t go, I wouldn’t have gotten to shake ODB’s hand at the tender age of 15 and subsequently get yelled at by our chaperone for calling him “Mr. Bastard!” to get his attention.

-lastly, I am thankful that life always throws bizarre and absurd things my way because this is how and why I do comedy. If I didn’t do comedy, I wouldn’t be a comedian, and this article would never exist.

Ask a Philly Comedian — What Are You Thankful For, Dave Terruso?

Dave Terruso hoodieEach day this Thanksgiving Week, WitOut asks a Philly comedian what he or she is thankful for. Today we asked Dave Terruso.
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What I, David Anthony Terruso, am thankful for this year:

1. My funny and beautiful ladyfriend, Carrie.

2. Having awesome supportive parents who love me and always make me feel welcome. And a cool brother, and a goodhearted and funny nephew. My extended family is also supportively awesome.

3. Having close friends I can count on for help and support, and also a jillion acquaintances I can have really silly banter with on a daily basis.

4. Finding a literary agent who believes in me and that I can connect with on a personal level.

5. The 700 people who bought my novel this year.

6. The nine months I got to devote solely to writing and comedy. (This is me being thankful to myself, since I depleted my own savings to do it.)

7. My health.

8. The laughter of kittens.

9. My two penises: the really big one that doesn’t work but draws in the ladies. And the way smaller one that does work and has closed the sale for many a disappointed gal.

10. Judd Hirsch.

11. Being a host at Helium Comedy Club and getting to hob knobs with my comedy heroes.

12. My little-known but oft-used telekinetic powers. (Yes, I freely admit I’m not naturally that good at claw crane machines. It’s my push power that wins me so many stuffed pals.)

13. The Criterion Collection.

14. The inexpensive price of Chocolate Juniors. Mmmmm.

15. My landlady/ex-coworker for letting me live in a big three-bedroom house in Manayunk for way less than the rent should be.

16. The way farts never stop being funny.

17. The reason all of us are alive right now: photosynthesis.

18. All the music that gets me through the day, the comedy that makes me laugh, and the literature and films that teach me what being human really is.

19. Did I say Judd Hirsch already? Let me check. Oh, yeah, he was #10. Well, I reiterate: I’m thankful for him.

20. God.

Ask a Philly Comedian — What Are You Thankful For, Kristen Schier?

kristen schierEach day this Thanksgiving Week, WitOut asks a Philly comedian what he or she is thankful for. Today we asked Kristen Schier.
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I am thankful for my little red bike that takes me so quickly through town.

I am thankful for my job. I am really lucky to be doing something I love.

I am thankful to Honey’s for their cheap and delicious breakfast special and for my boyfriend, who is the honey I usually share it with.

I am thankful for my family. For real though.

I am thankful for the vibrant comedy scene in Philadelphia. Here’s to bigger and better in the years to come.

WitOut Sends Civilian to Her First Comedy Show

David James 2 - Helium 2013

David James [photo by Frances Paris]

We sent a comedy newbie to her first live comedy show this past weekend to give/get a fresh perspective. Know anyone who you think would love live comedy, but has never been to a club or theater show? Tweet them this article with #PhlComedy, @WitOutDotNet and they could win tickets to a comedy show in Philly!

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Ok, let me start off by saying if you want to see a show-and-a-half then stop on by Helium Comedy Club. Tonight was probably the best experience I could be a part of. It started with seeing David James. Let me first say that he was hilarious. 

He opened up the show with a wonderful question we can all relate to, “Have you ever dated someone and didn’t know if they were retarded or not?” That started the conversation for the show.  He then went through the show with charisma and poise. He was going from topic to topic with no problems whatsoever. He was wonderful. He put everything that society hates to talk about, every grey area, and made it very easy to talk about it. I honestly thought he was hilarious. He included his audience in his act and let me tell you it was like a breath of fresh air compared to most comedians on TV. He was suave and sure of himself and was ready for any topic he put out there.

The headliner was, from In Living Color and Comedy Central, Mr. Tommy Davison. 

Tommy Davidson - Helium 2013 - FP

Tommy Davidson [photo by Frances Paris]

He started off the show full of life and energy. He came out dancing and getting the crowed worked up. The first few jokes were just openers, like most people would do if they were coming to a party or something. The best thing about his performance was his attitude. He was so secure. He made sure he kept eye contact with everyone and just kept with the act. He was great with his facial expressions and changed his voice several times to keep up with the characters he was playing.

It was something that most people would really enjoy. I highly suggest that people go see him. He took topics like politics, race and genre and turned them into pleasant topics that we can all relate to. Honestly if you are looking for a great time and a place to spend your time go on down to Helium and enjoy the show. -Frances Paris

It’s Elementary with Dave Metter: Elise Thomson-Hohl

“It’s Elementary” is a monthly column every first Wednesday that asks comedians to share funny memories from their elementary school years, or “periods” (get it?? Like moments in time, but also like in school!) from those formative years that have informed their personal and comedic identities. Or, they’ll just submit some random anecdotes. Whatever they want, really.

by Dave Metter

I have long been fascinated by what has influenced and inspired other comedy writers, especially during their youths when their comedic senses were still so nascent and less judgmental.  This month features stand-up comedian and writer Elise Thomson-Hohl, so nice they named her thrice.  Elise is a rule-breakin’, convention-shirkin’ rebel and has opted to share a wonderful lil’ anecdote instead of a few even lil’er ones.

THE FIRST TIME I DID STAND-UP/WHY I GAVE UP MUSTARD IN THE NINETIES

BY ELISE THOMSON-HOHL (PEN NAME ETH)

ETH

“I can’t find my lunch,” I yelled back to Mrs. Pegler and the rest of my first grade class from the cubby as I continued to rummage through my Jansport backpack.

It was the spring of 1995 and I was in the first grade; by this time I was already aware that my classmates referred to me as weird, so I spent the majority of my time at school trying to go unnoticed.

I felt my brown paper bagged lunch smashed below my binder at the bottom of my bag.

Bingo.

I sorted through my packed lunch until I felt my sandwich, and began tearing off the aluminum foil.

I had calculated about three minutes of time before Mrs. Pegler would come look for me in the cubby, which left me about two minutes to eat my entire mustard and cheese sandwich in peace.

The concept that eating certain items of food at lunch made you cool or un-cool was alien to me, until I began noticing that I was eating at the last seat at the end of the table.  From my observations, it was the COOLEST to buy lunch, the second COOLEST to bring Lunchables, and socially acceptable to eat peanut butter and jelly on white as long as you had name brand snacks to accompany the sandwich (Cheetos and CapriSun).  I had started eating my lunch as privately as I could around Christmas; kids were teasing me for eating ‘WEIRD’ sandwiches, and the possibility of buying lunch or bringing ‘cool’ food wasn’t ever going to be an option.

“SHE’S EATING A MUSTARD SANDWICH”.

I stopped dead in my Jelly’s, impregnated with dread. I turned to see Yi-Ming standing at the mouth of the cubby, pointing at my sandwich.

“No I’m not Yi-Ming.”

I crossed my arms, with a thousand years of indignance, tightening my grip on my sandwich.

Yi-Ming began beckoning our fellow classmates over.

I was dead in the water.  I weighed my options; not only did I have a good amount of sandwich left, but there was also mustard all over my hands, making it impossible to shove the rest of the sandwich in my mouth and hide the evidence. I was looking at a minimum of two to three months of mean nicknames, with solitary lunch confinement indefinitely.  I needed to make a decision fast.

“Hey Yi,” I stammered, as I realized that all eyes were on me, “I think there is something on your pants”.

Yi paused, he had to be smart about his next move, it was winner take all.

“Oh yeah?” Yi answered coldly.

“Yeah, a MUSTARD SANDWICH,” and with that I ripped apart my sandwich and winged it across the cubby hitting him mustard side down squarely in the thigh, Yi burst into tears and everyone cheered.

As I was escorted down to the principal’s office, I passed by the lunchroom, everyone stared at me, and I waved happily and confidently, I realized my first truth that day, when all else fails, draw a large crowd of first graders around you and make someone cry.

Dave Metter is a comedy writer, member of sketch comedy collective Iron Potato and creator of the fake local news show,“Your News, Philadelphia!” Follow Dave on Twitter @DaveMetter.