What I, David Anthony Terruso, am thankful for this year:
1. My funny and beautiful ladyfriend, Carrie.
2. Having awesome supportive parents who love me and always make me feel welcome. And a cool brother, and a goodhearted and funny nephew. My extended family is also supportively awesome.
3. Having close friends I can count on for help and support, and also a jillion acquaintances I can have really silly banter with on a daily basis.
4. Finding a literary agent who believes in me and that I can connect with on a personal level.
5. The 700 people who bought my novel this year.
6. The nine months I got to devote solely to writing and comedy. (This is me being thankful to myself, since I depleted my own savings to do it.)
7. My health.
8. The laughter of kittens.
9. My two penises: the really big one that doesn’t work but draws in the ladies. And the way smaller one that does work and has closed the sale for many a disappointed gal.
10. Judd Hirsch.
11. Being a host at Helium Comedy Club and getting to hob knobs with my comedy heroes.
12. My little-known but oft-used telekinetic powers. (Yes, I freely admit I’m not naturally that good at claw crane machines. It’s my push power that wins me so many stuffed pals.)
13. The Criterion Collection.
14. The inexpensive price of Chocolate Juniors. Mmmmm.
15. My landlady/ex-coworker for letting me live in a big three-bedroom house in Manayunk for way less than the rent should be.
16. The way farts never stop being funny.
17. The reason all of us are alive right now: photosynthesis.
18. All the music that gets me through the day, the comedy that makes me laugh, and the literature and films that teach me what being human really is.
19. Did I say Judd Hirsch already? Let me check. Oh, yeah, he was #10. Well, I reiterate: I’m thankful for him.