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  • March 6, 2015 9:30 pmFigment Theater: Sessions @ Studio C
  • March 7, 2015Nationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Heliun
  • March 7, 2015Nationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Helium
  • March 7, 2015 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • March 7, 2015 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • March 7, 2015 9:30 pmThe Comedy Works
  • March 7, 2015 10:00 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • March 7, 2015 10:30 pmImprov Comedy: PHIT House Teams
  • March 13, 2015 8:00 amNationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Helium
  • March 13, 2015 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
  • March 13, 2015 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
  • March 13, 2015 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • March 13, 2015 8:30 pmFigment Theater: Sessions @ Studio C
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Reasons You Didn’t Make Vulture’s List Of 50 Comedians You Should and Will Know

by: Doogie Horner

1. Your name is hard to spell (and being Polish didn’t help either).

2. Congratulations, you’re number 51!

3. The editors at Vulture can’t remember whether or not you’re dead, and they don’t feel like googling it.

4. Maybe people refuse to take you seriously because you never stop clowning around?

5. Too edgy!

6. Not edgy enough.

7. You only perform in North Korea.

8. People should know you, but won’t.

9. People shouldn’t know you, but will.

10. You’re always eating a sandwich on stage and it makes it hard to understand you sometimes.

11. Your tenure as 42nd President of the United States overshadows your comedy career.

12. Crooked candy corn teeth

13. You’re not funny, so just knock it off.

14. Politics! (see reason 11)

Doogie Horner is a comedian, author, and graphic designer. He is a suppurating wound of comedy.

If you are a Philadelphia comedy performer that produces a podcast, web series, sketch video, humor column, or any other online content let us know by emailing us at contact@witout.net so we can share it!

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