Why doesn’t the media report the POSITIVE stories about guns?Like how they make you feel like your dick’s bigger?
— Steve Swan (@stevenhswan) April 10, 2013
QUESTION: Does anyone know how to decorate the top of a latte to look like a wasted degree in graphic design?
— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) April 7, 2013
If you like watching porn, you’re probably gonna love this video of somebody else eating ice cream without you.
— Alison Zeidman (@AlisonZeidman) April 5, 2013
You know, being “Joe Moore” is all fine and good, but sometimes I just wanna be plain old “Screaming Maniac Wielding Nunchucks.”
— Joe Moore (@thejoemoore) April 9, 2013
“My artisan mayo guy is in Bolivia for a month, so I can’t make a decent sandwich.” – My imaginary worst enemy. Also, me with more money.
— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) April 8, 2013
Come on white ppl, shorts on in…..nah im jokin…its hot enough now
— Omar J. Scruggs (@OmarScruggs) April 9, 2013
Bad news: The maid I employ for my yacht gets motion sickness real bad and we’re taking her disability claim to court.
— Holding Court (@holdingcourtpod) April 11, 2013
Satellite images show that North Korea’s long-range missiles are actually just broken hot dog guns.
— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) April 12, 2013
Okay, a lot of you seem to think you know a lot about basketball, but can you even name three cities in the state of Wichita?
— James Hesky (@JamesHesky) April 6, 2013
Work hard and try your best, and someday you’ll be dead just like everyone who goofed around the whole time.
— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) April 10, 2013
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