My car stereo has a scan button in case a bad song comes on. I also got a scan button put in for the clock in case I’m having a bad time.
— Amir Gollan (@Agollan) February 27, 2013
A little just birdie told me “You should go to the hospital, you hit your head really hard and have a severe concussion.”
— Jim Grammond (@jgrammond) February 25, 2013
I hate when I have something to complain about and someone tells me it’s a first world problem. #firstworldproblems
— Alison Zeidman (@AlisonZeidman) February 22, 2013
My diary is essentially Doogie Horner fan fiction.
— Doogie Horner (@DoogieHorner) February 27, 2013
“I have had it with these mothafuckin Blakes on this mothafuckin plane!” -probably the people on this plane I’m on. #BlakeHistoryMonth
— Blake Wexler (@BlakeWexler) February 26, 2013
I refer to Medieval Times as my “home away from home” because sometimes I hide from the staff when they close and sleep there.
— Dominic Moschitti (@Dommoschitti) March 1, 2013
Still not sure if “husky” was a real catholic school uniform pants size or if my mom and the uniform store guy were just very openly cruel.
— Tim Butterly (@timbutterly) February 28, 2013
You know those videos of servicemen coming home and surprising their children? I act the same way every time the pizza guy shows up.
— Chip Chantry (@ChipChantry) February 28, 2013
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