Does life sometimes seem cold, dark and hopeless? Well, that’s probably because it is. Luckily, WitOut has someone who can help.
In addition to mastering chaos, slaying posers, dabbling in haiku poetry and being available for weddings, corporate events, motivational speaking and FUNERALS, we are proud to announce that the Necrosexual now has his very own advice column here on WitOut: “Necrosexual Solves Your Stupid Poser Problems.”
Comment below with all the questions, concerns, hopes, fears and dreams you need the trve black metal warrior’s guidance on. Necrosexual will answer your pitiful cries for help as he sees fit. Kindly use this letter format:
Dear Necrosexual,
STUPID POSER PROBLEM
Signed,
STUPID POSER NAME
Doubt his qualifications? You’re an idiot. Necrosexual has his own YouTube channel—need we say more? Didn’t think so, but here are some samples, just in case:
Dear Necrosexual,
I’m still Facebook friends with a lot of my exes. I mean a lot. Is that emotionally healthy?
Signed,
Frankie Goes to Collingswood
Dear Necrosexual,
Is there really any point in sleeping? I mean, can’t we sleep when we’re dead? Or is it more “metal” to get lots of sleep now, in imitation of death? What are your thoughts?
Signed,
Sleepless in Mahattan
Dear Necrosexual,
I have been thinking of moving myself and my demon brood (Gladys and the kids) to the Death Metal Hinterland, central Florida. My concern is that the brutal and sweltering heat will cause our Corpse Paint to smudge and run. Do you have any tips on how to stay cool and evil in a semi-tropical climate.
Thanks!
Vooorg Blodshower
Reading, PA
Dear Necrosexual,
My oldest daughter is about to go off to college and I’m worried silly! I want to let her grow and make her own mistakes but I also want to help her as much as I can. Is it possible to do both, and if so, how? Any help would be a gift from the man upstairs! Thanks!
Nervous in New Haven
So I’m emotionally disconnected from 99% of people around me. is that bad?