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Upcoming Shows

  • July 10, 2015 8:00 amNationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Helium
  • July 10, 2015 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
  • July 10, 2015 8:00 pmHang On w/ Aaron Nevins
  • July 10, 2015 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • July 10, 2015 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
  • July 10, 2015 9:30 pmFigment Theater: Sessions @ Studio C
  • July 11, 2015Nationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Heliun
  • July 11, 2015Nationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Helium
  • July 11, 2015 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • July 11, 2015 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • July 11, 2015 9:30 pmThe Comedy Works
  • July 11, 2015 10:00 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • July 11, 2015 10:30 pmImprov Comedy: PHIT House Teams
  • July 17, 2015 8:00 amNationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Helium
  • July 17, 2015 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
  • July 17, 2015 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • July 17, 2015 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
  • July 17, 2015 9:30 pmFigment Theater: Sessions @ Studio C
  • July 18, 2015Nationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Helium
  • July 18, 2015Nationally Touring Headline Comedians @ Heliun
  • July 18, 2015 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • July 18, 2015 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • July 18, 2015 9:30 pmThe Comedy Works
  • July 18, 2015 10:00 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • July 18, 2015 10:30 pmImprov Comedy: PHIT House Teams
AEC v1.0.4

Comedy Love Letter – From Doogie Horner to Doogie Horner

Dear Me,

You’re funny. Sometimes you’re so funny that nobody laughs. They are stunned into silence, like a slaughterhouse cow whacked with a hilarious sledgehammer.

Sometimes you’re so funny it makes the crowd furious at how sad the rest of their lives have been in comparison, like someone who almost dies on the operating table, sees heaven for a couple seconds, but then is rudely thrust back to earth. Occasionally the crowd rips your sleeves off in anger and then you can’t chill at a fancy cocktail bar after the show—even when you patiently explain the situation to them. This is the price of being hilarious, and you pay it daily [twice a day Friday and Saturday].

Remember that one joke? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Sometimes I find it hard to believe that the FBI asked me to develop a joke for them, and then I remember that it’s hard to believe because it never happened [officially].

Sometimes you’re so funny that a woman in the crowd will go into labor, even if she’s not pregnant. Luckily you’re funny enough that usually her screams of pain don’t detract from the show too much. Remember that one time a baby came out of a guy’s ding dong? Ha ha ha ha. [Ha!]

Anyhow you, I just wanted to tell me [you] to keep up the good work. You [me know who!] are so funny it takes my [moi] breath away and sometimes that makes me [myself] pass out and sometimes I [me] wake up and my [your] wallet is gone and I’m [you’m] on the sidewalk but hey, it’s worth it. Also it’s my [your] only option since I [you] have no other skills [skillz].

Love,

Bob Hope

Doogie Horner is a comedian, author, and graphic designer. He is a suppurating wound of comedy. 


Want to write a Comedy Love Letter to your favorite comedian, theater, improv team or sketch group? Email alison@witout.net.

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