Upcoming Shows

  • April 20, 2014 4:00 pmPHIT PRESENTS: MILLENNIUM QUEST: WARP JAWN
  • April 20, 2014 7:00 pmCAKE BEAR + THE DEAN’S LIST! @ PHIT
  • April 20, 2014 8:30 pmTHE SHAM! @ PHIT
  • April 23, 2014 7:30 pmADVENTURE FRIENDS PRESENT A SKETCH HAROLD + SABOTAGE @ PHIT
  • April 23, 2014 9:00 pmOUTSIDE VOICES + THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN @ PHIT
  • April 23, 2014 10:00 pmOUTSIDE VOICES @ PHIT
  • April 24, 2014 7:30 pmPHIT PRESENTS: MILLENNIUM QUEST: WARP JAWN
  • April 24, 2014 9:00 pmCHEAT CODE W. SPECIAL GUESTS @ PHIT
  • April 24, 2014 9:00 pmThe Comedy Attic
  • April 24, 2014 10:30 pmHOUSE OF BLACK @ PHIT
  • April 25, 2014 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
  • April 25, 2014 7:30 pmPHIT PRESENTS: MILLENNIUM QUEST: WARP JAWN
  • April 25, 2014 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
  • April 25, 2014 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • April 25, 2014 9:00 pmCHEAT CODE W. SPECIAL GUESTS @ PHIT
  • April 25, 2014 10:30 pmSTORY UP! AFTER DARK @ PHIT
  • April 25, 2014 11:00 pmIRON SKETCH @ PHIT
  • April 26, 2014 7:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
  • April 26, 2014 7:30 pmPHIT PRESENTS: MILLENNIUM QUEST: WARP JAWN
  • April 26, 2014 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • April 26, 2014 8:00 pmBye Bye Liver: The Philadelphia Drinking Play
  • April 26, 2014 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • April 26, 2014 9:00 pmMEN WITH FACES + BIG BABY @ PHIT
  • April 26, 2014 9:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
  • April 26, 2014 9:30 pmThe Comedy Works
AEC v1.0.4

Doogie Horner: Suburbanite Visits Philadelphia For the First Time

From Doogie Horner: “I was asked to speak at [Philadelphia Magazine's] ThinkFest, a gathering of Philadelphia innovators. Instead of saying something insightful, I pretended to be from Schwenksville. None of my jokes will make any sense unless you’re from Philadelphia.”

I was Just Trying to Make a Poop Joke – Recap of Brand Spankin’ New Open Mic No.2(#2)(Number2)

by Brandon Ryan

It being the case that a good many of the bars I’ve been to in Philadelphia seemed to take a kind of perverse pleasure in playing their house music at decibel levels which could joggle teeth loose from their sockets, when the legs of my barstool began to quake & trill to a bass & beat I could not readily identify the source of, I was not concerned. No, what concerned me instead was that I was to be on assignment, covering the debut of a new comedy show I was unable to locate.

“Excuse me,” I hailed the bartender, “is there an open mic here tonight?”

“It’s actually right below us.” he replied.

CONTINUE READING…

Comedy Love Letter – From Doogie Horner to Doogie Horner

Dear Me,

You’re funny. Sometimes you’re so funny that nobody laughs. They are stunned into silence, like a slaughterhouse cow whacked with a hilarious sledgehammer.

Sometimes you’re so funny it makes the crowd furious at how sad the rest of their lives have been in comparison, like someone who almost dies on the operating table, sees heaven for a couple seconds, but then is rudely thrust back to earth. Occasionally the crowd rips your sleeves off in anger and then you can’t chill at a fancy cocktail bar after the show—even when you patiently explain the situation to them. This is the price of being hilarious, and you pay it daily [twice a day Friday and Saturday].

Remember that one joke? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Sometimes I find it hard to believe that the FBI asked me to develop a joke for them, and then I remember that it’s hard to believe because it never happened [officially].

Sometimes you’re so funny that a woman in the crowd will go into labor, even if she’s not pregnant. Luckily you’re funny enough that usually her screams of pain don’t detract from the show too much. Remember that one time a baby came out of a guy’s ding dong? Ha ha ha ha. [Ha!]

Anyhow you, I just wanted to tell me [you] to keep up the good work. You [me know who!] are so funny it takes my [moi] breath away and sometimes that makes me [myself] pass out and sometimes I [me] wake up and my [your] wallet is gone and I’m [you'm] on the sidewalk but hey, it’s worth it. Also it’s my [your] only option since I [you] have no other skills [skillz].

Love,

Bob Hope

Doogie Horner is a comedian, author, and graphic designer. He is a suppurating wound of comedy. 


Want to write a Comedy Love Letter to your favorite comedian, theater, improv team or sketch group? Email alison@witout.net.

Pizza Pals with Joe Moore featuring…Daring Daulton!

Everyone’s got a favorite spot to get pizza. But it’s important to always scope out the other pizza on your perimeter.  Went to a bar/restaurant about a week ago and had a really good pizza I never would have looked for, if I didn’t force myself to keep up-to-date on ALL THE PIZZA NEAR ME….

Speaking of up-to-date, I had pizza recently met up with two-dates at once: Joe Paolucci and Trevor Cunnion, who form Sketch Group Daring Daulton. Daring Daulton will ALSO be performing at the FINAL CAMP WOODS PLUS. We did some serious work on some pies and talked about what Pizza means to them. DIG IN:

 

Pizza Pal Joe Moore: How much do you like pizza?

Joe Paolucci: Bunches… I like the taste and I like the way it makes me feel afterwards.

Trevor Cunnion: Enough to eat pizza or pizza related food products about 4-6 times a week.

 

PPJM: What are your favorite toppings?

Joe: ‘Shrooms, peppers, plain, tomatoes.

Trevor: Mushrooms, onions, green peppers.

 

PPJM: What is your favorite pizza place in the world?

Joe: T.D. Alfredos in Phoenixville. It’s not good, but it’s better than it used to be.

Trevor: Franks. It’s on 23rd Street in New York City, between Park and Lexington.

 

PPJM: What is your favorite use of pizza in pop culture?

Joe: Tim Curry giving Macaulay Culkin pizza in the limo in Home Alone II.

Trevor: I think it’s Back to the Future 2 when they have that tiny pizza that they put in a microwave sort of device and it instantly becomes a real size pizza. I think that’s really great.  I would love to have something like that.

 

PPJM: What day was Pizza Day in your house growing up?

Joe: Friday. Always Friday.

Trevor: A day when we ate pizza, I guess.

 

PPJM: Tell me one fond pizza memory you have:

Joe: Being scared of that movie Cat’s Eye and eating pizza from Genuardi’s.

Trevor: I can’t recall the good times, but the worst pizza memory I have was when I ate a Kashi pizza and it was just awful.

 

PPJM: Anything else you’d like to add?

Joe: Hey! Please come see Camp Woods Plus on December 6th, Okay?

 

Do yourself a favor and head to THE FINAL CAMP WOODS +! Let me know where you are getting pizza before the show in the comments and we can meet up!

Also, here are some pictures Daring Daulton drew for Pizza Pals:

 

Joe Moore is a pizza enthusiast and head writer of PHIT Sketch Team Dog Mountain.