In the interest of full disclosure surrounding my influence as a WitOut editor on the nominations and voting process for the 2013 Witout Awards for Philadelphia Comedy, and in response to pressure from one Mr. Donald J. Trump, I have decided to publicly release the contents of my nominations form:

BEST STAND-UP COMEDIAN
Alison Zeidman
I’ve only been doing stand-up for about two months, but I thought about doing it for two years before that, so.

BEST SKETCH GROUP
Alison Zeidman
I’ve never been part of a sketch group, but I can see myself potentially doing that one day, maybe, and this award might just be the encouragement I need.

BEST IMPROV GROUP
Malone, starring Alison Zeidman
Steve Rogers is Dead, starring Alison Zeidman
The N Crowd, starring Alison Zeidman

BEST STAND-UP BIT
“Toilet Seat Pregnancy” by Alison Zeidman
This totally bombed the third time I did it, but so what? I had a lot of really rough conditions working against me (humidity, grilled cheese craving, middle class upbringing).

BEST SKETCH
“Peanut Butter and Jelly in Divorce Court” by Alison Zeidman
This is not a sketch that has ever been performed, or actually written, but it is an idea for a sketch I had once.

BEST MALE IMPROVISER
Alison Zeidman
I’m not struggling with my sexuality, I just think my work transcends gender.

BEST FEMALE IMPROVISER
Alison Zeidman
When you’ve been doing improv for as little time as I have, you have every reason to think you’re the best.

BEST REGULAR SHOW
I’d like to nominate every show/theater I’ve performed with in the last year, but I’m only allowed up to three (3), so I’ll have to combine them:
The PhillyImpSideNTheaterShowRookiePolyCardGonRicRac

BEST SHORT-RUN OR ONE-TIME SHOW
Myths & Monsters presented by Philly Improv Theater for the Philly Fringe Festival, starring Alison Zeidman

BEST PODCAST OR WEB SERIES
Does WitOut count as a web series?  It’s on the web, and it has a series (se·ries [seer-eez] noun, plural se·ries 1. a group or a number of related or similar things, events, etc., arranged or occurring in temporal, spatial, or other order or succession; sequence) of posts.

SPECIAL ACHIEVEMENT IN THE FIELD OF TWEETING
Alison Zeidman (@alisonzeidman)
I tweet occasionally. It’s all gold. And when it’s not, I just delete it later, unless I forget to.

BEST OPEN MIC
Again, I would like to nominate all open mics I have appeared at in the last year, combined:
LaughsonFairJamHeadHouseCenterCityAccidentsWillNoche

BEST NEW ACT
Alison Zeidman as Alison Zeidman and/or in any joint involving Alison Zeidman

All jokes aside, may the best performers, writers, producers, etc. win! (But also all jokes aside aside, I plan to sweep the whole thing and I will close nominations early if it looks like that isn’t going to happen.)