Upcoming Shows

  • April 16, 2014 7:30 pmMILLENNIUM QUEST: WARP JAWN @PHIT
  • April 16, 2014 9:00 pmTHIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN + SABOTAGE @ PHIT
  • April 16, 2014 10:00 pmTHIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN @ PHIT
  • April 17, 2014 7:30 pmTHE FLAT EARTH PRESENTS… @ PHIT
  • April 17, 2014 7:30 pmMILLENNIUM QUEST: WARP JAWN @ PHIT
  • April 17, 2014 9:00 pmThe Comedy Attic
  • April 17, 2014 10:30 pmTHE SIDESHOW @ PHIT
  • April 18, 2014 7:00 pmThe Comedy Works
  • April 18, 2014 7:30 pmTHE FLAT EARTH PRESENTS… @ PHIT
  • April 18, 2014 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • April 18, 2014 8:00 pmThe N Crowd
  • April 18, 2014 9:00 pmTHE FLAT EARTH PRESENTS… @ PHIT
  • April 18, 2014 10:30 pmATOMIC CINEMA VAULT @ PHIT
  • April 18, 2014 11:00 pmSKETCH UP OR SHUT UP @ PHIT
  • April 19, 2014 7:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
  • April 19, 2014 7:30 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • April 19, 2014 7:30 pmTHE FLAT EARTH PRESENTS… @ PHIT
  • April 19, 2014 8:00 pmCrazy Cow Comedy
  • April 19, 2014 8:00 pmBye Bye Liver: The Philadelphia Drinking Play
  • April 19, 2014 9:00 pmDR. SLEEPOVER @ PHIT
  • April 19, 2014 9:30 pmThe Comedy Works
  • April 19, 2014 9:30 pmSarcasm Comedy Club
  • April 19, 2014 10:00 pmComedy Sportz Philadelphia
  • April 19, 2014 10:30 pmBIG BABY + MAYOR KAREN @ PHIT
  • April 20, 2014 4:00 pmPHIT PRESENTS: MILLENNIUM QUEST: WARP JAWN
AEC v1.0.4

Where Jokes Go to Die – Chris Dolan Edition

Everyone bombs at some point. WitOut’s “Where Jokes go to Die” is where you can put your worst bits down for good.

by Chris Dolan

I had a bit that died multiple zero-to-pity-laugh deaths before many showcase and competition audiences. (Spoiler: I did not win any of those competitions!) The bit involved wanting to toilet train my cat.  It opens by telling everyone that my cat is like my drinking buddy, and that I wanted to toilet train him—first for the obvious uses, second so he could puke in the toilet after we got drunk together.  That wasn’t terrible enough for me or my audience, though, so I continued by stating that I started the toilet training process slowly, by placing toilet paper next to his  litter box, “because anything beats your way of cleaning up down there.”

I have many theories about why this bit sucked. The obvious one is that maybe people aren’t interested in jokes about cats. I love cats, so I told the joke with enthusiasm.  And I think people are turned off by someone showing genuine affection for things (or animals) they dislike. Like saying, “Y’know what I love? Cats! And hate crime!”  Then there’s also the fact that I was presenting the audience with the ideas of a cat puking into a toilet, and licking its own ass clean.  I find those images hilarious. My audience did not.

I miss trying to make those cat jokes work.

Chris Dolan is a middle-aged amateur comic & writer with a marketing day job at a website; he has performed locally since 2009.  He’s been taking detailed notes on the jokes he’s bombed onstage with for some time, and now has a depressing and terribly unfunny 250-page autobiography. He lives in Montgomery County with his two cats, Pete and Beezus, who are still not toilet trained.